Friday, January 13, 2006

Why I Love Hermaphrodite Polar Bears...

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(Source: Belfast Telegraph)
Wildlife researchers have found new evidence that Arctic polar bears, already gravely threatened by the melting of their habitat because of global warming, are being poisoned by chemical compounds commonly used in Europe and North America to reduce the flammability of household furnishings like sofas, clothing and carpets.

A team of scientists from Canada, Alaska, Denmark and Norway is sounding the alarm about the flame retardants, known as polybrominated diphenyls, or PBDEs, saying that significant deposits have recently been found in the fatty tissues of polar bears, especially in eastern Greenland and Norway's Svalbard islands.

...There is also evidence that compounds similar to the PBDEs have contributed to a surprisingly high rate of hermaphroditism in polar bears. About one in 50 female bears on Svalbard has both male and female sex organs, a phenomenon scientists link directly to the effects of pollution.

"The Arctic is now a chemical sink," declared Colin Butfield, a campaign leader for the Worldwide Fund for Nature, which last month indicated that killer whales in the Arctic were also suffering from elevated levels of contamination with fire retardants as well as other man-made compounds. "Chemicals from products that we use in our homes every day are contaminating Arctic wildlife."

I love stories like this. Yeah, you heard me. Now don't fucking go Greenpeace on me, I don't hate polar bears or anything. It's just that...well...the punchlines almost write themselves with something like this. I mean they're hermaphrodite polar bears created by toxic waste for God's sake.

Hermaphrodite polar bears. You don't even need a punchline for that.


Stuck On Stupid -"What wasn't publicized about the study is that the Polar Bears are now able to walk through fire without out even a hint of anything more than a light suntan. They are also attracted to marsupials."

Twisted Sense Of Funny -"You know what? I didn't even read the whole article, but is that just the greatest headline or what? I don't know whether it would make a good title for a B level horror movie, or an Eskimo fetish porno. Either way, that is awesome."

Compass Points -"Don't Try To Burn Polar Bears, Either...Apparently you may not be able to. According to one report in the LA Times they're bioaccumulating flame retardants."

Justgoto -"You've heard about the hermaphrodite polar bears haven't you? Would that make them bi-polar bears?"

Slack LaLane -"I can just see Stan Lee giggling at the imminent creation of a new character. At first it was a male polar bear...but now, NOW it has the sex organs of both a male AND a female -- it's the Hermaphrodite Polar Bear Toxic Avenger!"

Sacred Cow Tipping -"This means I have to add a new shelf for my bear-on-bear porn collection."


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